Home > Learning, Thoughts > Use the “language of choice” to talk better

Use the “language of choice” to talk better

How much fun is it to hear these: “You should do this,” or, “If I were you,” or, “You know, this is what I would do.” Not fun, right? If not, why do we sometimes say them? These phrases are contrary to the “language of choice.”

What do you mean by the “language of choice?”

The “language of choice” includes phrases like: “You have the following option,” or, “Here is a choice for you to consider,” and the ever faithful, “This is one opportunity and there are many more.” It simply refers to the conscious effort to package your suggestions carefully, so that the other person understands your intentions and authentic efforts to share what you know, feel, or sense about what comes next.

The”language of choice” is critical as we offer to others what we know.

The language of choice stands for this point, which is also the point of this post:

we have a conscious ability to give people a better way to experience our suggestions.

Do you have some specifics to help make sense of that point?

Sure. Specifically, we can share what we know better by minding our energies, word choices, body language, and states of mind. Each one of these elements offers a unique ability to give choices to others that come across as well intentioned, reasonable, and therefore, acceptable. By keeping these elements in mind we do better as we offer others choices that they may or may not follow; it’s their choice!


Sure. Word choices are easiest and you read some examples of those above. The following nouns are a good starter list: options; considerations; suggestions; opportunities; choices; paths; ways. Use them like this: you have the following options; here is an opportunity you might consider; and the helpful, here are several ways of doing it and you choose what’s best for you.

What about body language cues?

I define body language to include tone and pitch and other non-verbal sounds. When offering choices it is best to do it without judgment, bias, or noticeable weighting of the options offered. The body cues that support these conditions include “openness,” of eyebrows, shoulders, palms and chest. Other cues involve a steady and soft gaze, a heart-felt tone of voice, and quiet pauses between choices. Those pauses give them a chance for chance and opportunity to blossom. And of course, when offering choices make sure to let the person have the physical space enough away from you, quite literally, give him or her the room necessary to decide things on his or her own.

States of mind and energy; what happens with them as we offer choices?

States of mind and energy are noticeably harder to coordinate as we offer choices to others. The good news, if you use the right type of body language cues your states of mind often follow! When you answer a question and do so with choices, the preferable state of mind is “ponder.” Ponder as a state of mind causes us to be considerate, understand things aren’t always as they seem, and as we ponder we know that minds are not yet made up. Alternatively we can simply offer choices with a statement. The state of mind that works best then is an open one; literally, an open state of mind. I know, this is vague. What does open mean here? As a state of mind, consider that an open mind implies that there are no barriers present, there are no pre-determinations, there are no boundaries.

What energy works best when we share different choices?

Energy is the critical element necessary to master the language of choice. To pull off honest, reasonable, and well-meaning choices shared with others, we must connect with their energy, and their sense of things. Because the choices we offer come from us and not them, efforts to manage our energy when sharing choices is hard.

Do you have some steps to follow on how to manage energy while offering choices?


First, acknowledge that the energy of the moment is key to a successful outcome. That will help you maintain conscious awareness of the energy.

Second, us energy that links your senses with the other person’s senses when you state your choices. Alternatively, if you answer with choices, use the energy of making sense. That energy is firm, grounded, it is energy that knows from where it comes.

Third, mind the flow of energies, your own and the other person’s, as they merge. Does a union of energies happen, or, is there a clash? Answering that question lets you know how well your choices are received.

Have fun exploring the language of choice. Let me know how it goes!

Categories: Learning, Thoughts Tags:
  1. No comments yet.
  1. No trackbacks yet.