Mind your Ps and Cues and Talk Better
“Mind your Ps and Qs” is an English phrase that means “mind your language.” It may have started in bars where bartenders were careful when measuring pints versus quarts. Or it may come from old printer shops, where assistants were reminded to not confuse their ps and qs when they set the type for the print job.
How is “Mind your Ps and Cues” different from “Mind your Ps and Qs”?
“Mind your Ps and Cues” is a phrase used in the Well Talk™ system. The phrase reminds folks of the process they follow when they speak using Well Talk. The “Ps” in the phrase refers to six key words that all begin with “P.” Those words are preparation, permission, presentation, process, persistence, and promotion. They represent stages in the Well Talk process and are joined by the “Cues.” The “Cues” mentioned in the phrase represent the verbal and nonverbal cues that Well Talk relies on when improving how we talk to each other.
Say some more about these “P” words and how they fit in the Well Talk process?
The “P” words represent stages in the Well Talk process. I will discuss them in the order that they come up during our talks. They all reoccur as a talk proceeds as well.
Preparation
Preparation is the first step. Even as we prepare we remain flexible; this is because we know we will adapt to the flow of the talk as it unfolds. Sometimes in the middle of talks we will take a step back and prepare the next section of the talk together. Preparation considers feelings first and then addresses the issues we intend to discuss. We prepare by considering our emotions, expectations and goals and those of the people with whom we will speak.
Permission
Permission is the most important step, and one we can easily control. Repeated requests for permission are within our control and are welcomed by those we talk with because it shows our sensitivity and respect for them. Permission is generally the first step we do with others, and when we do it well, we repeat our requests for permission throughout the talk. Requests for permission include verbal cues, “May we…”, “With your permission I will…”, or “Can I…” Nonverbal cues are helpful as well, and can include open shoulders, hands at side, relaxed facial muscles, a slight tilt of the head, a soft raise of the eyebrows, and many more. Well Talk requires that permission get reestablished every two or three minutes. You will find the easiest way to do that is with nonverbal cues, like those mentioned and others including an extended palm, a hand on the heart, or a patient use of a pause. These cues all “ask” the same thing: will we continue with what we are talking about, or move on to something else? Conscious effort to request permission builds rapport and gains the trust of others.
Presentation
Presentation is a critical step. How we present ourselves is the thing that others will pay most attention to as we talk. Therefore, as with permission, this is a reoccurring step. Mostly, every moment in our talk is a presentation moment and we can train ourselves to more consciously be in charge of how we present to others. People we talk with generally will compare what we say with the expressions we use. Depending on what they sense, they will generate perceptions of us. This is true when we remain silent as well as when we share our thoughts during questions, statements and answers. Mastery of this step requires a keen awareness of our states of mind, body language, word choice and energy level.
Process
The word “process” has many meanings. Well Talk uses the word to honor the time people need to process whatever it is we say. This step acknowledges that we all think differently and some take less time to process and some need more time. This step reoccurs as well and requires significant patience to master. During this step, we offer few verbal and nonverbal cues so as to let the other people have the space they need to figure things out. This space also allows them to ask follow up questions or take the time needed to process everything as best they can.
Persistence
Persistence is the step that helps close the loop of understanding that we form with the previous steps of permission, presentation, and process. During this step, we repeat, rephrase, and refocus what we say and how we say it. The cues we use are soft, with kind tone of voice, slow speed of delivery, and the nonverbal cues demonstrate that we have an open mind, kind heart, and genuine interest in the goals and outcomes of the talk. At our best, we are holding the moment for reasons aside from our own personal needs. The talk is serving the needs of the moment more than the needs of any one person in the talk. This step of persistence ensures that what is said during the talk has a strong chance of being remembered and acted upon later.
Promotion
Promotion is the step that acknowledges when a successful moment arrives in our talk. It can be a statement like “That is a wonderful way to express that sentiment,” or a nonverbal expression that let’s people know we are thinking, “Aha! That’s it!” Something like, “That is a great point and…” allows the talk to continue as the steps discussed above repeat themselves. This step lets us applaud the thoughts and ideas as they surface. During this step we secure next steps, set action plans, and confirm our commitment to a great talk.
That’s it, just six steps to great talks?
Well, these six steps, preparation, permission, presentation, process, persistence, and promotion, are the cornerstone of the process that drives Well Talk and delivers better talks. There are a couple of other “P” words as well, “practice” and “play” come to mind. By practicing the process and improving your verbal and nonverbal cues, your skills improve by leaps and bounds as well. Then, talks become play as others understand your intentions and appreciate your assistance, even when talks cover hard feelings and complex issues.
Good luck minding your Ps and Cues and may all your talks be deep and healthy!