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Archive for August, 2011

Remind –> Reframe –> Rewind — A Formula That Will Change How You Talk

August 28th, 2011 Kevin No comments

What is this post about?

This post is about change. Specifically, it is about “in the moment” change.

What’s “in the moment” change?

That’s the kind of change that happens when you are in the middle of a conversation and you decide “in the moment” to rewind and change what you are saying.

Can you say some more?

“In the moment” change happens when we decide to think or feel differently in the middle of saying something. We say one thing and then we decide to say something else. We remind, reframe, and rewind.

I still don’t get it; do you have an example of “in the moment” change?

Sure. Here is a conversation that benefits from the formula:

John: hey Tim, got a minute?

Time: sure, what’s up?

John: we are off target and you better [John pauses as he reminds himself of the formula]

Step one: John reminds himself of a better word choice than “you”

Step two: he reframes his approach and decides to use “we” instead of “you”

Step three: he rewinds his words and rephrases what he was going to say

John: we are off target and we can fix things. Will you help me as we get a better handle on this?

Tim: [thinking John changed his words, did he really change his mind?] what do you have in mind?

John: well, I think I may have some gaps in my thinking. Will you help me fill them in?

Tim: Okay.

John: how are you sensing where we are?

Tim: thanks for asking. For starters, I feel we can…

And so it goes. This remind, reframe, and rewind formula really works. It will get you better results. Remember to combine the rewind with sincere body language that matches your new approach and intention. That will clear up doubt that the other person may have about your sincerity. Keep at the formula and you’ll get better with practice. And, people will appreciate you more for it. Good luck!

Can you summarize the point of this post please?

We all have the right to change how we approach our conversations, even in the middle of them. This three step formula helps:

(1) remind yourself of what you really want;

(2) reframe how to get there; and

(3) rewind what you said to better align the conversation with your reframed approach.

That’s it?

Yes. Let me know how it goes,

Kevin Leahy, founder

Knowledge Advocate, LLC

Categories: People Tags:

Inner speech, inner voice, and self talk: what do they all have in common?

August 27th, 2011 Kevin No comments

Before we get started, just what are inner speech, inner voice, and self talk?

These terms all refer to the same thing: that is, how we “talk” to ourselves within the privacy of our own heads. We use this kind of talk to script our stories, ask ourselves questions, answer things, and the like.

What do these terms have in common with one another?

Well, we don’t talk much about any of them. In fact, we hardly mention inner speech and inner voice at all.

What are you saying?

Well, when was the last time you told someone that you talk to yourself? Ever? Despite using inner speech daily, almost no one mentions it. We just don’t broadcast to others that we talk to ourselves.

I barely know I am doing it! Say some more?

Exactly, this talk happens so naturally that we barely know that we are doing it at all.

Do you have some examples of self talk?

Sure. We ask ourselves things like: “Will I get the promotion?” Or we say: “I am not good enough,” or maybe, “I am the best.” Or, we answer a question to ourselves: “Well at least it wasn’t my fault.”

When we think (or say) these things we are using inner speech/inner voice/self talk?

You bet.

I never ever talk about this talk; I don’t want people to think I’m a mental case, you know?

I don’t know, but I do know that our self talk is critical for our mental health. When our ability to talk to ourselves stops, that is when our ability to relate to life goes way down or worse, away, if it’s really bad.

You claim we need our inner speech to think and live in a healthy way?

That’s right. Google “Jill Bolte Taylor” and learn how a stroke knocked out her ability to talk to herself. With no inner speech she lost track of things and could not think well. Her book, My Stroke of Insight, is a brilliant exploration into how she survived her stroke and recovered her inner voice. Here is a great video about her story too: http://www.ted.com/talks/jill_bolte_taylor_s_powerful_stroke_of_insight.html.

Can you summarize the point of this post for me?

Yes: inner speech is critical to how we think. We deserve to become more aware of self talk and spend time improving how we do it. It makes good sense to talk well to our brains and to work hard to get better at it.

Any other suggestions… how should I talk to my brain?

That’s a long answer. I teach a course on commanding your inner speech. You learn to use inner speech to communicate with, manage, and lead your brain. Happy to tell you more about it.

How can I contact you?

Use this email: Innerspeech@KnowledgeAdvocate.com

Thank you for your attention,

Kevin Leahy

Knowledge Advocate, LLC

Categories: Brain power, Consulting, People, Thoughts Tags:

Worrying too much? Try this for brain relief.

August 11th, 2011 Kevin No comments

What’s this post about?

This post is about worrying too much. For example, you think about a problem over and over in your head. Not fun; don’t recommend it. Here’s how to deal with it: concentrate on two senses at once.

Huh?

Our brains don’t multitask well. So if we focus on two senses at once it’s hard to do anything else.

If I am worrying about my job, a friend, or my weight… this helps stop the worrying?

You bet.

It happens because I focus my concentration on two of my senses at once?

Yes.

Example: I see something and focus on it, I hear something and focus on it; that’s it?

Exactly.

I taste something and focus on it at the same time I smell something and focus on it?

Yes.

When I focus on two senses at once, I overload my brain and it stops over thinking?

You got it.

I stop worrying because I am busy learning what my two senses are telling me?

That’s it. That’s the reason.

That’s cool, thank you.

You are welcome.

Cheers,

Kevin Leahy, founder

Knowledge Advocate, LLC

Categories: Thoughts Tags:

Motivation or Participation?

August 4th, 2011 Kevin No comments

The universe is talking. When it does that for me, I listen. Here is what it’s saying:

Focus more on participation and less on motivation.

Huh?

I know. It seems so unsexy, participation. Followers participate. Leaders, now they motivate!

Not only that, but motivational speakers are awesome!

Yes they are. Very entertaining too. Motivation, it seems, has joined the ranks of theater.

Wait a minute, motivation is the real deal! Motivational speakers teach me stuff, right?

Well, maybe. Motivation’s goal is participation. The doing, it turns out, is the hard part. Go do that.

Exactly. Attending another motivational speech helps me! Fun, entertaining! It works!

Maybe so. Try a participation speaker next time rather than a motivation speaker; feel the difference.

Really?

Motivation, without more depth, emotion, and awareness, falls flat. Participation, just doing it, that anchors our actions, increases our motivation, and lets us achieve our goals. Nike got it right. Just do it.

So no more motivational speakers?

Entertainment is great. If you are lucky, it might help you remember what you really want. Then, you will participate. So if you go to get motivated, go to “get participated” too. Just do it (thank you Nike).

Where do I find a participation speaker?

Ask around. Find out who speaks and actually brings about participation that leads to action. And go listen to those folks talk. They have good things to say and will help us do things. Get participated!

What was this post about anyway?

This post challenges the common belief that we need more motivation. This post and the universe suggest to me our core need is to participate. Let’s do more of it and motivation is bound to show up!

Good luck!

Kevin Leahy, founder

Knowledge Advocate, LLC

Categories: People, Thoughts Tags: