Knowledge Advocate

I bet you have never heard of a “bundiction” before. With good reason: I made it up. It is what it sounds like. It stands for: “bundle of contraditions.”

Can you put it in context please?

Sure: “He is a bundiction; he says one thing, gestures another, and means a third thing altogether! How frustrating!” See, the “he” is a bundle of contradictions.

Who cares?

We do. Or should. Because we are all bundictions. Interestingly, while we see the contradictions in others it is real hard to see them in our own actions and thoughts.

So are you asking me to use bundiction when I talk with others?

Exactly. It will help you. We all share in these complex contradictions, so invoking the word will hopefully encourage you to have more empathy. The path to overcoming obstacles starts by admitting we have them in the first place.

Give it a try. Good luck!

Rebuke is an odd word. It is rarely used. The definitions I find do not shed light on how this word makes sense in the presence of trust and in the absence of judgment.

Can you rebuke someone without judging them?

Here is my dilemma. I have come upon references to people that seemingly knew how to rebuke others (that is, stiffly correct them about something they did) in the absence of judgment, all the while maintaining absolute faith and trust in them. How is this possible?

How can we present a rebuke that isn’t completely offensive?

I am unsure. Some people seem to be able to rebuke others and not judge them, all the while maintaining absolute faith and trust in the person.

Is it really possible?

I don’t know. Frankly, whether or not anyone has been able to do it, the question to us remains…

Can we rebuke without judgment those people we have great faith and trust in?

This post is a work in progress because the art of rebuke is little discussed and rarely asserted well. Rebuke in the absence of judgment is simply unheard of.

How do we rebuke without judgment while maintaining trust and faith?

No answer. Is it even possible? I don’t know. I know this, rebuking someone without judging them, and while trusting them, is a goal worthy of trying.

If you know the answer, please share!

Thank you.

We make memory mistakes all the time. Modernly, it’s gotten really bad because our memories simply cannot keep up with all that we now see, hear, and experience. One researcher notes that it is incredible we remember anything accurately at all! Here is the kicker, we personally are hard wired to believe our own memories are accurate, true and sound. Yikes!

So what are we supposed to do?

OK. If you agree with me that our individual memories really stink, what can we do about it? How can we stop the inaccuracies of our individual memories from messing with our corporate minds and outcomes? Let’s think some about that.

Before you get me thinking, mind telling what the point of this post is?

Sure. This post is about well-intentioned individuals who have faulty, wacky memories and the clear instruction that they should never rely on their memories as proof for any outcome when more than one person shares responsibility in the outcome. When people invoke their memories and recollection as true and accurate, they can really mess with the best available outcomes for their companies.

How so?

If a person relies on his or her own memory (which by nature fills in gaps poorly and makes stuff up), that reliance may cause them to ignore other resources available to them, like the recall and memories of others or the software and data systems that companies buy to help retain information and reuse it.

Is there science behind these claims about faulty memories?

Of course. Researchers identify over three dozens ways each of us fill in gaps in our memories to fill out what we believe is true. They call these “memory biases,” and prove we all have them. These memory oddities exist to make us feel better about what we know and help us understand things on our terms and in our best light.

Can you give us an example?

Sure, “I knew that was going to happen!” Heard that one before? When we say it of course it is true. When others say it, we say, “Yeah… right.” What I am saying is that we swear we knew it would happen when it happens to us, and at the same time make fun of others when they do it. This particular bias is called “hindsight bias” and it happens to all of us, all the time.

Is it a control thing?

You betcha. That is exactly what it is. To keep control of how we personally sense things, and to ensure we don’t freak out all the time, our brains help us out by letting us fill in gaps of information in a way that helps us make sense of it. In other words, our memory system helps us make sense of things regardless of the impact our gap filling ways have on others.

Are you saying that individual memories can be bad for the company?

Exactly right! When it comes to individual memories, blind reliance on them without a reality check can have terrible and sometimes fatal business impact. Because we are all prone to recall error, relying heavily on what we can remember to make company decisions can mess with the best available company outcomes.

So what’s the decision maker with the goofball memory supposed to do?

Easy; ask around. Check in on the pulse of what others believe. Experience first hand their own faulty recall. Put enough different recollections together and hone in on what the facts truly are. This kind of inquiry will help a decision maker get a sense of how others recall and see things, and gauge what to do based on all the best available information.

So, what’s the outcome of all this?

The outcome of acknowledging our own faulty memories is a clear mandate to call upon others to make sure we have a well-rounded awareness of the facts. Doing this instead of relying on the one memory system we are hard wired to trust most can produce staggeringly better business results.

Give it a try, let me know how it goes!

Ever notice when you really “hit it out of the park,” when you perform beyond your expectations and sense you had a peak performance, you have a hard time recalling the specifics? In fact, “you” get lost in the moment as time stands still and “you” find yourself in the zone?

Where does our ego go when we experience a peak performance?

We don’t know. It turns out “they” (you know, “the scientific people”) studied this in labs and have proven that when folks have a peak performance, they don’t think of “themselves” at all. Instead, they leave their egos at the door. Peak performance, it turns out, happens without our ego present. Or at least, there seems to be no need for it. The ego just doesn’t surface. Maybe a better metaphor: it dissolves to allow room for our peak performances.

Holy moley! The ego dissolves during peak performance?

Yup.

What does that mean, really?

It means that when we make sure our ego is present and we pay a lot of tribute to our ego and the ego of others, the chances of us or them having a peak performance are slim to none. In other words, peak performance wants to happen without our ego being present, or at least, when peak performance happens, our ego is not present. Cool, right?

So what else does it mean?

Another way of saying all this is that to peak perform at work we must get rid of our ego! At least, we must calm it down so it doesn’t get in the way. Ego-be-gone. Poof!

Poof!? There goes my ego? Are you crazy?

That’s about right. I’m crazy. Or maybe I just want to see more peak performance in the work place. So, next time you really want to peak perform, think about nothing. In true Yoda form, “do or do not… there is no try.” Mostly, feel the force and deep six your ego. Who knows, you might just watch your performances go way up. Could be.

So why all the pop business books about ego this, personality that?

Marketing and sales I guess. When was the last time an ego fest or a personality party really got down to the brass tacks of getting things done? Think back to your best performances, I bet you had a sense you were doing something for more than yourself, right? Or at least for that moment, it felt that way. Strange, huh?

So what are you saying about our love for the cult of personality at work?

The concept of personality typing and meeting ego needs may actually hurt, not help, our ability to consistently perform at peak levels. That’s all I am saying. More to the point, I have a hunch that by focusing on personality types and ego assessments, we may well be taking ourselves farther away from, not closer to, our peak experiences at work. Oh darn.

What are you really saying?

The gist of this post is that if you want more peak performances at work– from yourself and those you work with– do more things to reduce and dissolve your egos.

Well… let me stew on this one for a while.

Take some time, let me know how it goes!

A gentleman named Augusto Boal was a theater man. He used his expertise to devise a form of theater known as Forum Theatre. The gist of it is that the actors’ words and actions, although scripted initially, change due to insights and observations from the audience. Boal changed what he calls the audience from spectators to “spectactors.”

So tell us what happens?

There are many versions of how Forum Theatre gets performed. In one, a short play is acted out in its entirety. After that the actors begin again and when a spectactor feels inspired, he or she offers a new direction about where the dialogue and action can go. The actors try those new suggestions and the play continues. Sometimes the audience member can replace an actor with himself or herself. Many changes continue and often, the play is seen in a completely different light by its end. Then the group can talk about what happened, for what reasons, and with what impact on outcomes.

So what does theater have to do with business?

Many businesses have used this form of theater to gain business insight and engage in business training. Business ritual can be bound by tradition and habit. When those traditions and habits deserve to change, this form of performance art allows business colleagues to explore with each other how those changes can occur.

How can I learn more?

Feel free to search the net for “Augusto Boal” or “Forum Theatre.” If you add the word “business” in your search, you will stumble upon numerous sites dedicated to this type of interaction. While you might not have the gumption to put on a full board Forum Theatre, you may get inspired to offer your team some different skits and methods used by Boal and others to convey change and growth. Change and growth are very healthy for corporate life.

Enjoy!

Has this happened to you: you share how you experience things and nothing registers with the other person, no one seems to be home?

What’s happening?

This situation can be exasperating, true? Why doesn’t the person care to listen? Why doesn’t he or she just “get it”?

More to the point: what can you do about it?

Next time ask: “Would you like to hear how I make sense of it?”

Why this question?

Asking the other person if he or she wants to know how you make sense of things clears the air. If the other person says “No,” or looks away, or disregards the question, then you know he or she is not interested in your viewpoint. Right then you can stop trying to make sense.

Stop making sense, are you crazy?

Whoa…. I am not asking you to stop making sense completely! Rather, next time just refrain from offering your sense when the other person makes clear they don’t want to hear it. mostly, repetitive sense making in non-receptive ears goes in one and out the other. Nothing sticks and you might get a sore throat!

Then what can you do?

Well, you can stop talking altogether as you maintain a positive attitude and energy level. You can offer something like, “We can revisit this later.” Alternatively, you can persistently inquire how he or she makes sense of the subject and connect what he or she says with what you sense about things.

What should you not do when people don’t seem to be listening?

Whatever you do, do not share your sense of things once the other person makes it clear he or she doesn’t care to hear it. They might be listening for other things, and you can explore those, they just don’t care in that particular moment to hear how you make sense of things. If that is the case, then give the conversation some patience, try a different tact, and over time see what happens.

Let me know how it goes!

What is “gist?”

Gist has a background in the French and English languages. It stands for “the essence.” In other words, the main thing you need to know.

Where did the word come from?

In olden days, “gist” meant “to lie.” Not as in, “He lies like a rug; he never tells the truth,” but more like, “The idea lies there, just as it is.” In the old French-English legal system, it meant the argument being made was sustainable at law.

Why is gist so important?

“Gist” is another way of referring to “the pattern” of things. And patterns are how we come to understand things. So getting the “gist” is great for us because it means we “get it,” we get the pattern. Once we have the pattern we can make sense of what we are hearing, seeing, and experiencing.

Why are patterns so important?

Patterns are critical because we are pattern making machines. Mostly, we get to know more things based on what we already know, and how we know it. That requires that we pattern the new stuff right on top of or around the old stuff we already patterned before. So, anything new desperately wants to “pattern” to what we already know. That way we can make sense of it. So the gist, for us, is the way to think about something that connects and patterns to other things we already know.

Now what?

Well, next time you want to understand things better, ask people what the “gist” of what they are saying is. Doing that will help them and you because the idea of gist is the idea of getting to the essence of things. It’s short hand for: can you sum up what you just said please?

So what’s the gist of this post?

The gist is: use gist more! It’s a handy little way to ask people to help you understand what they are saying and what it means for you.

Gist away!

Why do we routinely and automatically deceive ourselves? What’s up with that?

The big question: why do we engage in self-deceit?

The answer: mostly we can’t handle the truth about who we are. At least our ancestors couldn’t do that many moons ago, when our wiring got sorted out. Now we are mostly hard-wired to self-deceive ourselves. It’s a coping mechanism. That’s why getting to “know thyself” is highly touted and hard to achieve.

But why are we so good at spotting the deception of others?

Turns out we are great at spotting the deception of others (mostly!… check in with a few ex-wives and ex-husbands to hear about some colossal misses). We can with ease spot the failings, foibles, and petty deceits of others. That’s because the lives of our ancestors depended on it.

Say some more: why exactly are we good at spotting deceit in others?

Scientists attribute the notion of trust as coming from a need for our ancestors to pick the right folks to hang around with to ensure their own survival. Put another way: the portion of the herd that follows the wrong people thins. For eons, then, trust and rapport were non-negotiable survival tools used to get along and to get ahead. Yet with sheer, blinding, and awe-inspiring force we can summons a powerful and rather intense ignorance that deceives ourselves and others.

Why is it we are so good at seeing deceit in others and not in ourselves?

Scientists now claim they figured that out too, that is, why we see deceit in others and not in ourselves. They say that to cope with the strange, odd, and unsettling realization that we are an awkward bundle of contradictions, our ancestors simply hard-wired away our ability to spot deception when we do it to ourselves! Said again: we have wiring that makes us miss the deception we bring upon ourselves.

There it is: our self-deceit is a hard-wired gift from our ancestors!

In short, we are hard-wired to deceive ourselves. Isn’t that the darnedest thing you’ve every heard?

So now what?

Well, we can use the same tools we use for discovering deception in others right back at us. Those tools include visual and auditory inspection of our verbal and non-verbal messages. We can constantly check those messages and compare what we say, how we say it, and for what reasons we say it with a newfound ability to scrutinize those messages. For example, “If I were not me, and I heard that line spoken that way, would I trust it? Would I believe it?”

Have you ever watched yourself on video?

When we see ourselves on video, it’s not the image we have of ourselves, is it? A sure fire way to spot our own deception is to pay attention to our body language. Check in on it next time you express it. Consider what state of mind you think you might be in. And reevaluate. Get to know yourself by verifying your actions and the messages you send others. Do they pass the smell test? Consider yourself a witness to them and experience your own comments and conduct to get a sense of what impact they will have on others. Pay attention to the little things, those subtle cues we all pick up on with others that tell us whether someone passes the smell test.

So can you summarize your advice for us?

Sure. Because we are wired to self-deceive, next time you offer up opinions and facts that might contradict each other, might deceive someone, then with an outsider’s eye smell, see, and hear yourself in action. Your efforts will improve over time and you will get good at cutting away the self-deception. Give it a try!

Good luck, let me know how it goes!

I think I know what “in the zone” means, but what the heck is a “flow state?”

“In the zone” and “flow state” are different ways of saying the same thing. When athletes like Lebron James or artists like Meryl Streep are on top of their field, living in the moment, we know they are “in the zone.” Lebron’s three pointer moves effortlessly from his hands to the hoop… “Swish,” nothing but net. Same with Meryl, she offers the screen everything she’s got, and we, the audience, live with her in the moment she portrays. Powerful acting. When they live in the moment like this, we can say they are in a “flow state.”

How can I get “in the zone,” as you say in a “flow state,” at work?

The formula is pretty simple. To get in a flow state at work balance challenge with safety. To do that, consider the following things and make sure they are present:

The safe side:                                                                                       The challenge side:

Control                                                                                                   Feedback

Clear purpose                                                                                        Movement

Maintain safety                                                                                      Encourage challenge

When we balance safety with challenge at work we find ego fades as we get engrossed in the work. Time passes without notice and it can be hard to recall specifics of what we did. These are all signs we are in the flow state. Very exciting.

Can I help folks get in the flow state, in the zone, at work?

Of course you can! Here’s how:

1) State the purpose of the work you do together very clearly

2) Share mutual control about the expected outcome so you can work on it together

3) Make sure that what ever gets done, gets done fast and with no delays

4) Along the way to getting the work done provide constant feedback

5) Reduce the need to be “right,” or “judge,” or “resist”

6) Preserve a safe sense of things regardless of what else is happening

7) Push for challenge to make sure things are not too easy

This seven step process offers you a chance to get in the zone at work. Good luck!

Here is a question I ask in my communication skills classes:

Does anyone “make sense” like you do, just like you do, day in and day out?

The answer is almost always, “No, not even close!” Sometimes I get, “Yes, my spouse” (what a lucky couple); or, “My dad/mom/daughter/son” (understandable given how genes and environment are dominant reasons why we are who we are); or rarely, “People in my trusted circle kind of make sense like me” (trust forms more easily with people who share like-minds).

With so few folks who make sense just like us, why keep making sense our way?

There’s the $64,000 dollar question. Will it ever make sense to use the exact way we make sense to help us settle arguments, talk about plans, or discuss different people and new places? No wonder we hear this alot, “That makes no sense, why would you say that?”Argh!

We love to “make sense” and there are near seven billion ways to do it!

As many people as there are on the planet: that’s how many ways there are to make sense. So, making sense can get real confusing, real fast. Keep making sense and see how far you get with another person, who keeps making sense his or her way. Those two ways of making sense might never meet, and in the least, it could be a long talk before you get to mutual understanding and common sense.

So what can we do, make no sense!?

No, of course not. We like to make sense because it usually makes sense to do that over time. Here’s the point of this post: just don’t try to make sense right out of the gate. Chill out a bit instead. Realize you are talking with folks who do not share your own unique way of making sense.

What should we do?

Consider how other people you talk with take in things with their own senses. Explore their way to experience things. Find out how they make sense. Watch their non-verbal cues. Pay attention to how they learn and process stuff. Whatever you do, just remember to avoid making sense at first. It’s that simple. Remember, this works because if you make sense exactly your way from the get go, more likely than not no one else will even come close to understanding how you got there! And again, that’s because no one makes sense just like you. So, try not to make sense next time you talk, on the way to finding common sense. I reckon it will work great.

Seek sense first, that’s the answer!

So instead of making sense at first, seek it. Actively go out and question others about their sense making. Seek sense first. Actively investigate how others get to their senses. This will work wonders for your talks, I promise.

Let me know how it goes!