Knowledge Advocate

We make memory mistakes all the time. Modernly, it’s gotten really bad because our memories simply cannot keep up with all that we now see, hear, and experience. One researcher notes that it is incredible we remember anything accurately at all! Here is the kicker, we personally are hard wired to believe our own memories are accurate, true and sound. Yikes!

So what are we supposed to do?

OK. If you agree with me that our individual memories really stink, what can we do about it? How can we stop the inaccuracies of our individual memories from messing with our corporate minds and outcomes? Let’s think some about that.

Before you get me thinking, mind telling what the point of this post is?

Sure. This post is about well-intentioned individuals who have faulty, wacky memories and the clear instruction that they should never rely on their memories as proof for any outcome when more than one person shares responsibility in the outcome. When people invoke their memories and recollection as true and accurate, they can really mess with the best available outcomes for their companies.

How so?

If a person relies on his or her own memory (which by nature fills in gaps poorly and makes stuff up), that reliance may cause them to ignore other resources available to them, like the recall and memories of others or the software and data systems that companies buy to help retain information and reuse it.

Is there science behind these claims about faulty memories?

Of course. Researchers identify over three dozens ways each of us fill in gaps in our memories to fill out what we believe is true. They call these “memory biases,” and prove we all have them. These memory oddities exist to make us feel better about what we know and help us understand things on our terms and in our best light.

Can you give us an example?

Sure, “I knew that was going to happen!” Heard that one before? When we say it of course it is true. When others say it, we say, “Yeah… right.” What I am saying is that we swear we knew it would happen when it happens to us, and at the same time make fun of others when they do it. This particular bias is called “hindsight bias” and it happens to all of us, all the time.

Is it a control thing?

You betcha. That is exactly what it is. To keep control of how we personally sense things, and to ensure we don’t freak out all the time, our brains help us out by letting us fill in gaps of information in a way that helps us make sense of it. In other words, our memory system helps us make sense of things regardless of the impact our gap filling ways have on others.

Are you saying that individual memories can be bad for the company?

Exactly right! When it comes to individual memories, blind reliance on them without a reality check can have terrible and sometimes fatal business impact. Because we are all prone to recall error, relying heavily on what we can remember to make company decisions can mess with the best available company outcomes.

So what’s the decision maker with the goofball memory supposed to do?

Easy; ask around. Check in on the pulse of what others believe. Experience first hand their own faulty recall. Put enough different recollections together and hone in on what the facts truly are. This kind of inquiry will help a decision maker get a sense of how others recall and see things, and gauge what to do based on all the best available information.

So, what’s the outcome of all this?

The outcome of acknowledging our own faulty memories is a clear mandate to call upon others to make sure we have a well-rounded awareness of the facts. Doing this instead of relying on the one memory system we are hard wired to trust most can produce staggeringly better business results.

Give it a try, let me know how it goes!

Ever notice when you really “hit it out of the park,” when you perform beyond your expectations and sense you had a peak performance, you have a hard time recalling the specifics? In fact, “you” get lost in the moment as time stands still and “you” find yourself in the zone?

Where does our ego go when we experience a peak performance?

We don’t know. It turns out “they” (you know, “the scientific people”) studied this in labs and have proven that when folks have a peak performance, they don’t think of “themselves” at all. Instead, they leave their egos at the door. Peak performance, it turns out, happens without our ego present. Or at least, there seems to be no need for it. The ego just doesn’t surface. Maybe a better metaphor: it dissolves to allow room for our peak performances.

Holy moley! The ego dissolves during peak performance?

Yup.

What does that mean, really?

It means that when we make sure our ego is present and we pay a lot of tribute to our ego and the ego of others, the chances of us or them having a peak performance are slim to none. In other words, peak performance wants to happen without our ego being present, or at least, when peak performance happens, our ego is not present. Cool, right?

So what else does it mean?

Another way of saying all this is that to peak perform at work we must get rid of our ego! At least, we must calm it down so it doesn’t get in the way. Ego-be-gone. Poof!

Poof!? There goes my ego? Are you crazy?

That’s about right. I’m crazy. Or maybe I just want to see more peak performance in the work place. So, next time you really want to peak perform, think about nothing. In true Yoda form, “do or do not… there is no try.” Mostly, feel the force and deep six your ego. Who knows, you might just watch your performances go way up. Could be.

So why all the pop business books about ego this, personality that?

Marketing and sales I guess. When was the last time an ego fest or a personality party really got down to the brass tacks of getting things done? Think back to your best performances, I bet you had a sense you were doing something for more than yourself, right? Or at least for that moment, it felt that way. Strange, huh?

So what are you saying about our love for the cult of personality at work?

The concept of personality typing and meeting ego needs may actually hurt, not help, our ability to consistently perform at peak levels. That’s all I am saying. More to the point, I have a hunch that by focusing on personality types and ego assessments, we may well be taking ourselves farther away from, not closer to, our peak experiences at work. Oh darn.

What are you really saying?

The gist of this post is that if you want more peak performances at work– from yourself and those you work with– do more things to reduce and dissolve your egos.

Well… let me stew on this one for a while.

Take some time, let me know how it goes!

Say things in bits of 7 or less. Mostly, reduce it to 3.

Examples: Tell someone your phone number is 555-2961, and not 201-555-2961. Or give them your zip code as 86153, and do not add the “post office four!” In other words, do not say 9 numbers straight in one blast: 861539039. Doing that is inappropriate.

What do we make of this “7 or less” rule?

The 7 bit rule happens, it happens all over the world, you can’t beat it so might as well join it. It’s how our brains work. On average, they process about 7 bits per blast of information (in computer speak: we inherited a 7 bit processor). Mostly though, brains are 3 bit processors. That’s why three things are magic, in bullet points, religion, and friends.

When you say things do it in 7s or less; when you can, limit it to 3 things!

Cues? What do you mean by cues? Here is a working definition for this post:

A cue is an action or event that is a signal for somebody to do something

In particular, this post discusses “talk cues.” These are the things we use to anchor thoughts, connect them, move them right along, and to share our feelings and opinions in meaningful ways with others.

So what’s so powerful about cues?

Well, talk cues help us talk better. A lot better. For example, we can start a big talk by saying, “Do you have time to speak about our work for next week?” The person that hears this question knows what the questioner expects (time) and for what reason (to talk about next week’s work). He or she is prepared to assess the need expressed and consider the options. This particular cue requests permission to talk, a great move. Cues can also frame small talks, “Do you know what the weather forecast is?” Or, “I enjoyed this concert.” Once said, the person who hears such things literally gets cued up because the cue frames where the conversation is (from our point of view anyway!). Cues help the other person know where we are in the talk based on the content of our words and context of how we said them.

Cues come in all shapes and sizes

Talk cues come in all shapes and sizes and have different purposes and intentions. A cue can help secure permission, “May I talk to you about the assignment?” Other cues can promote where our thoughts are: “The spring air is refreshing today.” Still others transition one thing to another: “by contrast,” “otherwise,” and the like. Cues can also help our presentation style, it’s often better to use “we” than “you” in a talk, or to offer “choice” and “opportunity” instead of “should,” “would,” and “could.” Cues provide anchors, frames, and tethers between ways of considering things.

Cues come in verbal and non-verbal forms

Cues generally combine body language with word choice. For example, both hands up as we shrug and exclaim, “Huh?” Sometimes, non-verbal cues are enough, for instance a pointed finger or alternatively, an extended, open palm beckoning the other person to continue what they are saying.

Cues help frame mindsets

Our search for meaning can be daunting, particularly when we talk with others. And here comes the point of this post: cues help people understand each other better. Sometimes in our eagerness to speak, we do not connect very well all the reasons and thoughts and experiences that rumble in our heads. We’ve all heard the phrase, “I am trying to understand so, can you throw me a bone?” This phrase is a direct request for a cue; help me out, the person asks, give me something that lets me know what you’re thinking.

We all have the chance to make a habit of using more cues in our talks

Don’t wait till friends and coworkers have to ask for cues. Before they do, let’s go ahead and “cue” up our thoughts and feelings for them in advance. Cues let folks know where we are going and they provide the time to process the information we offer. Cues also help people organize their own thoughts as they connect what we say with what they think and know.

So for our next talk, whether big or small, let’s go ahead and cue up some cues!

Questions and answers want to be in relationship with one another. This post is about that relationship and the need for time between questions and their responses.

How much time passes between a well-asked question and a responsive answer?

It depends. In great conversation the Q&A goes fast and responses freely follow questions with little process time required for most questions.

What do we make of long process times between question and answer?

Long process times between the question and answer challenge our notion of the relationship between those two. The questioner generally asks the question hoping for an immediate response. A few seconds later, ok; a few minutes and a long pause later, strain. A couple of hours or days after the question first arrives, hard on us.

What can we do about this?

Build process time, and the awareness of its need, into our conversations. Some questions are easier to answer than others. Acknowledge that. Here are some examples that take place after a string of answered questions. These examples are what can happen when we arrive at a question that generates a long pause.

Example 1

Would more time to process that one help?

Yes, thank you.

[flag the question, ask it again later...]

Example 2

You may have some incomplete thoughts on that last one?

Yes.

Are you comfortable sharing your top of mind considerations?

OK, bear with me. I think…

Example 3

There has been a long pause, are their some missing facts that make answering right now hard?

Probably.

Can you share some of those as you are considering them?

[Be patient, this is a tender area of a person's thinking process]

Example 4

I have a hunch, that question needs more time to consider before you answer?

Yes.

Is an answer possible?

Right now I am not sure (or, yes, it just needs more time for me to consider).

Do you have a notion of how long it will take to gather up an answer?

[This is a push tactic, be ready for resistence here]

Example 5

I sense you do not currently have an answer you are willing to speak out loud?

No, just give me a second (or, yeah, you are probably right).

Ok, take your time, let me know when you are ready (or, is there anyone who would have good ears to hear the answer).

These are examples that fit a pattern.

First, sense that the question will take time to answer. Second, encourage the person to take more time. The acknowledgment of the need for more time can make all the difference in maintaining a relationship between our question and the answer we are looking for. Third, persist with the need to hear the answer and give a variety of options for how the answer might arrive, as a guess, partially formed, deconstructed from bits of information, etc. The key idea is to keep that relationship between your question and his or her answer intact!

Good luck! Let me know how it goes.

Rear-ended on the highway, in the fast lane.

Well, it happened. I was rear-ended this morning while minding my own business in the left lane of the highway. Although I slowed down for the cars in front of me as traffic thickened, the young lady driving right behind me decided to bend down and grab her Dr. Pepper. Bad timing. At least she wasn’t IMing, texting, or Facebooking. She was, however, accelerating rapidly upon my car on her way to high school…

Bam!

When hit from behind the instinct is to look back there and deal with what just happened. Of course, when you are on the highway there are cars in front of you as well. Lucky I had enough space and awareness to hit the brakes liberally and avoid a front-end collision. Phew. And… no airbag deployment. Double phew.

Your on a highway in the left lane, now what?

Pull over. Far over into the median (some anxious drivers decided to travel the fast lane’s shoulder to get around the student’s stalled car). Cars zooming by on the median where you are standing as you wait for help to arrive, after just having one accident, are scary. Wasn’t one accident enough?

Quick: rely on body language management.

It turns out I kept my shoulders back, removed the tension from my neck, kept my eyebrows from furrowing, and kept my hands and arms at my sides. With a complete message of calm and openness, of body and mind, I worked my way through the stressful, unexpected situation just fine.

Staying calm of body and of mind pays big dividends.

Body language management caused me to keep calm as I helped the high school student remain “relatively” low on the panic scale, “Take deep breaths.” I also collected my thoughts about next actions, called 911, secured an alternative ride, and let folks know I would miss my plane and an important meeting out of town.

Such as: being kind to strangers who it turns out you know.

The student’s mom arrived and we hugged. It turns out, I know her… we are former work colleagues. In my follow up email with her I learned her daughter really appreciated how, in the middle of it all, I pointed out the field of Texas blue bonnets we found ourselves in, and how lovely they were.

It really pays to be conscious of the messages you send and receive.

Being conscious of my body messaging helped me manage some of the million year old residue of my inherited fear/flight/fight instinct. Pretty nifty since my entire system ramped up rapidly, enough so that I could sense the extra adrenaline. In fact, I knew “I” was working hard to keep “me” from getting overloaded with frustration, anger, sadness and regret (”why me?”). Those states of mind and corresponding body messages would offer little and mostly, would get in the way.

Conscious thoughts and smart body reactions help us sail through a tough situation.

That’s it in a nutshell. We reap big rewards if we train ourselves to consciously address our body and its feelings, instincts, and desires as we navigate a situation that comes up fast, unexpectedly, and that can potentially leave a complex set of issues to deal with after the fact.

Practice body language management: the benefits will blow you away.

Ever notice talk has a cadence, a rhythm, a pitch, a tone?

Before their were words our ancestors communicated with music.

Dr. Daniel Levitin says it well in his You Tube video:  Neanderthal chanteuse

Because 50-90% of our communication is non-verbal, when it sounds right, we feel right.

Next time we talk let’s consider the music we make. It matters!

About 20 percent. That is what a fellow named Ebbinghaus figured out more than 100 years ago.

What does this mean for answers about events that happened more than 30 days ago?

You see where this is going? Round about 80 percent of the stuff we hear comes straight out of our forgotten zones. Oops. So, how is it that, when we ask folks things about events in their lives, what they recall is usually more than 20 percent of what happened?

We are truly ingenious creatures when it comes to what we believe happened!

We make it up. Of course, there might be good reasons, logical reasons, for saying what we say. And our guess-work might be first class. Still, if you believe Ebbinghaus (and his work has been repeated in labs around the globe ever since), we are filling in gaps. Big gaps. We are actually making stuff up. Because at 30 days the studies let us know we forget about 80 percent of what happened.

So what does this mean for us and for those who give us answers?

It means first, be compassionate. Most folks don’t think their memory of events is no more than 20 percent guaranteed. Second, double check what you hear. Third, remember that the vast majority of what we recall might need fact checking, and be flexible about what the honest to goodness truth might be.

Now, let’s see how much of this post you remember in 30 days!

I am sure there are not enough sound boards in the world. Sound boards are people who listen carefully when others speak. They do that to learn and react to what they hear. It is their attention that both honors and challenges what we say.

They take our words and expressions at face value. A common sentiment for them: “If you said it, it must be true for you, let’s see how and why.” Sound boards make sure they understand what is said first, exploring and discovering how we got there, knowing our way of thinking and feeling. Only after they get us on our terms do they begin to appreciate what we said in their way of thinking. That approach makes all the difference in the world between a good sound board and a not-so-good sound board.

Sound boards are real handy when we need to understand stuff for ourselves before sharing what we know with others. With a sound board handy, answering and stating things lets us do something very important, it lets us tell ourselves what we think.

Out loud. A sound board let’s us tell ourselves things out loud. We can hear ourselves talk it out, what it means, how it works. It is in that telling, in that stating, that comes our knowing.

Now, place a smart sound board in the middle of all those answers and statements we make. Tell him or her something, anything, and see what happens. What is the reaction we get? Do we get away with what we just said? Or, is there a search for proof? Are there follow up questions that show gaps of logic, missing facts, or opinions not yet expressed? Do we make sense? Can we even understand what we are saying?

Sound boards are the real deal. They are an invaluable step in figuring things out. They help us get things done because they cement our knowing.

Humans are lucky; we have a cerebral cortex, its really big and they are still figuring out all its bells and whistles. Who misplaced the user’s manual, anyway? That’s another post… The thing is, we do know that the funny looking jiggly thing called our brain is like a muscle. Oh yeah. That means we need to flex it. Daily. To ensure its in proper working order.

Sound boards help us do that in spades, they are like “fitness trainers for the brain.” They train us, make the things we say out loud come to life. When they are real good, they challenge us to speak clearly and purposefully about what is on our mind. They make us tie up loose ends, track down reasons for why we say what we say, and hold us to an organized progression of thought. Go figure.

We are surrounded by them and covet them. They come in many forms: moms (the best cross examiners); pops; great bosses; close friends; kind strangers and good clients and customers. These sound boards stick to what we say like bloodhounds on a trail. They genuinely want to know how we know what we know. More than that, they want to connect it to what matters.

They help line up our thoughts so we can do something with them. Thinking, and speaking (and rearranging our thinking), and finally, doing… its a good trio to have around. It avoids the reckless, hapless reactive world of low to little thought and high to furious action.

Their ought to be more sound boards. With them present we would have more checks and balances on what we say. We would end up hearing the reasons we say what we say (not always the prettiest, we come to find out). They help us explore what we hope the outcome will be of saying what we say.

We need more sound boards. Because in the end, we ought to mean what we say… and understand it too, as it gets reflected back at us with the help of a great sound board.

Ever heard of Vannevar Bush? In 1945 he wrote an article for Atlantic Monthy called “As We May Think.” In it he shared some crazy talk about desktop memory systems and linking information so others could see it. He relied on then-existing technology and envisioned not-yet invented things like, oh well, the Internet, hyperlinks, desktop computers and more.

Enough with the 1940s, how is your memory these days? Could “it ain’t what it used to be” reflect your thoughts best? There is good news! The stuff Mr. Bush cooked up to help remember things is online now and mostly free. Information tools improve how we do three things online:

1) encode;
2) store and consolidate;
3) retrieve.

These three things are fundamental to how we store memories off line (that is, in our brains and with our repeated muscle/movement memory systems).

Wikipedia is a great example: someone starts a topic like “Jelly bean.” That person ENCODED the information. Later, other folks search for “jelly bean.” They find and review the page and can arrange what’s there, adding, subtracting, connecting. This helps STORE and CONSOLIDATE the information.

Things get interesting when RETRIEVAL happens over time. more visitors to the jelly bean page benefit from the content as it improves, and they can also rearrange some more. In this way, the loop of information benefits from more use. By contrast, pages that get little use might as well be forgotten (just like what happens with our own memories: use it or lose it!).

Do you have a back up system for your personal memory? Email is a default for many people. What about images? Flickr. Videos? You Tube. Documents? Microsoft Word or Google Apps. Conversation threads? Twitter, etc. Projects? Basecamp. Work contacts? Salesforce. Social contacts? Facebook or Linkedin. New things arrive daily, like Google Wave, that strive to make backing up your personal memory system online simple and worth it.

Whatever you end up using, make sure it has a wicked smart search engine and a really simple way to drop information in, rearrange it, and call for it when you need it. Ever have something on the tip of your tongue during your own thought process? “Wait wait, don’t tell me!” We hear that all the time. The “search engine” in our own heads helps us find things based on near misses, close calls, and sort-of-likes.

Pay attention to that ease of use. A robust online information resource will do the same thing. It will have a great way to ENCODE stuff fast and easy (that means you can drop in data easy), STORE and CONSOLIDATE it through repeated use, and RETRIEVE it fast and flexibly when needed.

Got back up?