Knowledge Advocate

How much fun is it to hear these: “You should do this,” or, “If I were you,” or, “You know, this is what I would do.” Not fun, right? If not, why do we sometimes say them? These phrases are contrary to the “language of choice.”

What do you mean by the “language of choice?”

The “language of choice” includes phrases like: “You have the following option,” or, “Here is a choice for you to consider,” and the ever faithful, “This is one opportunity and there are many more.” It simply refers to the conscious effort to package your suggestions carefully, so that the other person understands your intentions and authentic efforts to share what you know, feel, or sense about what comes next.

The”language of choice” is critical as we offer to others what we know.

The language of choice stands for this point, which is also the point of this post:

we have a conscious ability to give people a better way to experience our suggestions.

Do you have some specifics to help make sense of that point?

Sure. Specifically, we can share what we know better by minding our energies, word choices, body language, and states of mind. Each one of these elements offers a unique ability to give choices to others that come across as well intentioned, reasonable, and therefore, acceptable. By keeping these elements in mind we do better as we offer others choices that they may or may not follow; it’s their choice!

Examples?

Sure. Word choices are easiest and you read some examples of those above. The following nouns are a good starter list: options; considerations; suggestions; opportunities; choices; paths; ways. Use them like this: you have the following options; here is an opportunity you might consider; and the helpful, here are several ways of doing it and you choose what’s best for you.

What about body language cues?

I define body language to include tone and pitch and other non-verbal sounds. When offering choices it is best to do it without judgment, bias, or noticeable weighting of the options offered. The body cues that support these conditions include “openness,” of eyebrows, shoulders, palms and chest. Other cues involve a steady and soft gaze, a heart-felt tone of voice, and quiet pauses between choices. Those pauses give them a chance for chance and opportunity to blossom. And of course, when offering choices make sure to let the person have the physical space enough away from you, quite literally, give him or her the room necessary to decide things on his or her own.

States of mind and energy; what happens with them as we offer choices?

States of mind and energy are noticeably harder to coordinate as we offer choices to others. The good news, if you use the right type of body language cues your states of mind often follow! When you answer a question and do so with choices, the preferable state of mind is “ponder.” Ponder as a state of mind causes us to be considerate, understand things aren’t always as they seem, and as we ponder we know that minds are not yet made up. Alternatively we can simply offer choices with a statement. The state of mind that works best then is an open one; literally, an open state of mind. I know, this is vague. What does open mean here? As a state of mind, consider that an open mind implies that there are no barriers present, there are no pre-determinations, there are no boundaries.

What energy works best when we share different choices?

Energy is the critical element necessary to master the language of choice. To pull off honest, reasonable, and well-meaning choices shared with others, we must connect with their energy, and their sense of things. Because the choices we offer come from us and not them, efforts to manage our energy when sharing choices is hard.

Do you have some steps to follow on how to manage energy while offering choices?

Yes.

First, acknowledge that the energy of the moment is key to a successful outcome. That will help you maintain conscious awareness of the energy.

Second, us energy that links your senses with the other person’s senses when you state your choices. Alternatively, if you answer with choices, use the energy of making sense. That energy is firm, grounded, it is energy that knows from where it comes.

Third, mind the flow of energies, your own and the other person’s, as they merge. Does a union of energies happen, or, is there a clash? Answering that question lets you know how well your choices are received.

Have fun exploring the language of choice. Let me know how it goes!

A gentleman named Augusto Boal was a theater man. He used his expertise to devise a form of theater known as Forum Theatre. The gist of it is that the actors’ words and actions, although scripted initially, change due to insights and observations from the audience. Boal changed what he calls the audience from spectators to “spectactors.”

So tell us what happens?

There are many versions of how Forum Theatre gets performed. In one, a short play is acted out in its entirety. After that the actors begin again and when a spectactor feels inspired, he or she offers a new direction about where the dialogue and action can go. The actors try those new suggestions and the play continues. Sometimes the audience member can replace an actor with himself or herself. Many changes continue and often, the play is seen in a completely different light by its end. Then the group can talk about what happened, for what reasons, and with what impact on outcomes.

So what does theater have to do with business?

Many businesses have used this form of theater to gain business insight and engage in business training. Business ritual can be bound by tradition and habit. When those traditions and habits deserve to change, this form of performance art allows business colleagues to explore with each other how those changes can occur.

How can I learn more?

Feel free to search the net for “Augusto Boal” or “Forum Theatre.” If you add the word “business” in your search, you will stumble upon numerous sites dedicated to this type of interaction. While you might not have the gumption to put on a full board Forum Theatre, you may get inspired to offer your team some different skits and methods used by Boal and others to convey change and growth. Change and growth are very healthy for corporate life.

Enjoy!

Say things in bits of 7 or less. Mostly, reduce it to 3.

Examples: Tell someone your phone number is 555-2961, and not 201-555-2961. Or give them your zip code as 86153, and do not add the “post office four!” In other words, do not say 9 numbers straight in one blast: 861539039. Doing that is inappropriate.

What do we make of this “7 or less” rule?

The 7 bit rule happens, it happens all over the world, you can’t beat it so might as well join it. It’s how our brains work. On average, they process about 7 bits per blast of information (in computer speak: we inherited a 7 bit processor). Mostly though, brains are 3 bit processors. That’s why three things are magic, in bullet points, religion, and friends.

When you say things do it in 7s or less; when you can, limit it to 3 things!

Has this happened to you: you share how you experience things and nothing registers with the other person, no one seems to be home?

What’s happening?

This situation can be exasperating, true? Why doesn’t the person care to listen? Why doesn’t he or she just “get it”?

More to the point: what can you do about it?

Next time ask: “Would you like to hear how I make sense of it?”

Why this question?

Asking the other person if he or she wants to know how you make sense of things clears the air. If the other person says “No,” or looks away, or disregards the question, then you know he or she is not interested in your viewpoint. Right then you can stop trying to make sense.

Stop making sense, are you crazy?

Whoa…. I am not asking you to stop making sense completely! Rather, next time just refrain from offering your sense when the other person makes clear they don’t want to hear it. mostly, repetitive sense making in non-receptive ears goes in one and out the other. Nothing sticks and you might get a sore throat!

Then what can you do?

Well, you can stop talking altogether as you maintain a positive attitude and energy level. You can offer something like, “We can revisit this later.” Alternatively, you can persistently inquire how he or she makes sense of the subject and connect what he or she says with what you sense about things.

What should you not do when people don’t seem to be listening?

Whatever you do, do not share your sense of things once the other person makes it clear he or she doesn’t care to hear it. They might be listening for other things, and you can explore those, they just don’t care in that particular moment to hear how you make sense of things. If that is the case, then give the conversation some patience, try a different tact, and over time see what happens.

Let me know how it goes!

What is “gist?”

Gist has a background in the French and English languages. It stands for “the essence.” In other words, the main thing you need to know.

Where did the word come from?

In olden days, “gist” meant “to lie.” Not as in, “He lies like a rug; he never tells the truth,” but more like, “The idea lies there, just as it is.” In the old French-English legal system, it meant the argument being made was sustainable at law.

Why is gist so important?

“Gist” is another way of referring to “the pattern” of things. And patterns are how we come to understand things. So getting the “gist” is great for us because it means we “get it,” we get the pattern. Once we have the pattern we can make sense of what we are hearing, seeing, and experiencing.

Why are patterns so important?

Patterns are critical because we are pattern making machines. Mostly, we get to know more things based on what we already know, and how we know it. That requires that we pattern the new stuff right on top of or around the old stuff we already patterned before. So, anything new desperately wants to “pattern” to what we already know. That way we can make sense of it. So the gist, for us, is the way to think about something that connects and patterns to other things we already know.

Now what?

Well, next time you want to understand things better, ask people what the “gist” of what they are saying is. Doing that will help them and you because the idea of gist is the idea of getting to the essence of things. It’s short hand for: can you sum up what you just said please?

So what’s the gist of this post?

The gist is: use gist more! It’s a handy little way to ask people to help you understand what they are saying and what it means for you.

Gist away!

Why do we routinely and automatically deceive ourselves? What’s up with that?

The big question: why do we engage in self-deceit?

The answer: mostly we can’t handle the truth about who we are. At least our ancestors couldn’t do that many moons ago, when our wiring got sorted out. Now we are mostly hard-wired to self-deceive ourselves. It’s a coping mechanism. That’s why getting to “know thyself” is highly touted and hard to achieve.

But why are we so good at spotting the deception of others?

Turns out we are great at spotting the deception of others (mostly!… check in with a few ex-wives and ex-husbands to hear about some colossal misses). We can with ease spot the failings, foibles, and petty deceits of others. That’s because the lives of our ancestors depended on it.

Say some more: why exactly are we good at spotting deceit in others?

Scientists attribute the notion of trust as coming from a need for our ancestors to pick the right folks to hang around with to ensure their own survival. Put another way: the portion of the herd that follows the wrong people thins. For eons, then, trust and rapport were non-negotiable survival tools used to get along and to get ahead. Yet with sheer, blinding, and awe-inspiring force we can summons a powerful and rather intense ignorance that deceives ourselves and others.

Why is it we are so good at seeing deceit in others and not in ourselves?

Scientists now claim they figured that out too, that is, why we see deceit in others and not in ourselves. They say that to cope with the strange, odd, and unsettling realization that we are an awkward bundle of contradictions, our ancestors simply hard-wired away our ability to spot deception when we do it to ourselves! Said again: we have wiring that makes us miss the deception we bring upon ourselves.

There it is: our self-deceit is a hard-wired gift from our ancestors!

In short, we are hard-wired to deceive ourselves. Isn’t that the darnedest thing you’ve every heard?

So now what?

Well, we can use the same tools we use for discovering deception in others right back at us. Those tools include visual and auditory inspection of our verbal and non-verbal messages. We can constantly check those messages and compare what we say, how we say it, and for what reasons we say it with a newfound ability to scrutinize those messages. For example, “If I were not me, and I heard that line spoken that way, would I trust it? Would I believe it?”

Have you ever watched yourself on video?

When we see ourselves on video, it’s not the image we have of ourselves, is it? A sure fire way to spot our own deception is to pay attention to our body language. Check in on it next time you express it. Consider what state of mind you think you might be in. And reevaluate. Get to know yourself by verifying your actions and the messages you send others. Do they pass the smell test? Consider yourself a witness to them and experience your own comments and conduct to get a sense of what impact they will have on others. Pay attention to the little things, those subtle cues we all pick up on with others that tell us whether someone passes the smell test.

So can you summarize your advice for us?

Sure. Because we are wired to self-deceive, next time you offer up opinions and facts that might contradict each other, might deceive someone, then with an outsider’s eye smell, see, and hear yourself in action. Your efforts will improve over time and you will get good at cutting away the self-deception. Give it a try!

Good luck, let me know how it goes!

What happens when folks talk a bunch and the talk makes its way into the presentations at a crowd sourcing event? Crowd talking! Come hear how it works. Join us at ATC/RISE Rave 3.0 on June 29, at UT, Austin. “Where is it” info below.

What is ATC/RISE Rave 3.0?

The Rave series began when William Hurley, a.k.a. Whurley (a personality some have dubbed the “evil genius”), pitched the concept to Julie Huls and Brian Wong of Austin Technology Council. Whurley sought to rock Austin’s tech scene by encouraging random folks to hear ideas in an “unconference” sort of way. Two Raves later the organizers have delivered on their promise. Now Rave 3.0 arrives with a new program partner in Rise Austin, lead by Georgia Thomsen, and a new mission: crowd talking!

What is Rave 3.0 about?

Rave 3.0’s conversation is tech talent. Two standout presenters have the floor, Valerie Hausladen and Steven Tomlinson. They speak of passion and fortitude and the courage that finds careers that matter. It’s time for careers that fit our inner and outer fabric. These speakers will share practical stuff about how to get there. The good news, they’ll have 300 experts to help them!

What does Rave stand for?

R-A-V-E is Random – Access :: Various – Experts. Point blank: the event welcomes the audience and its expertise. The Rave design seeks each person’s thoughts: this event is all ears. At the event the audience helps make the night happen with questions and energy that will drive the talks forward.

How is Rave 3.0 different from other speakers’ forums?

From the start the Rave series has courted an irreverence for tradition. Initially, the crowd picked the speakers. Novel. Now, the crowd offers its voice. Really. To do that, version 3.0 brings social media to bare with Twitter, Facebook, email, blogs, “question advocates,” and yours truly, the Knowledge Advocate. All these things, and people, will move the crowd’s insights into the moment, to become part of it. The clear intent: make the voice of the people heard– loud and clear.

All right, what is “crowd talking?”

Crowd talking is what happens when a crowd truly voices its thoughts, feelings, and experiences. If the event increases the odds that the audience gets heard it is a job well done. This event leverages audience ideas with Twitter, Facebook, and old school stuff, for example, assigning folks to roam the room asking for content. Specifically, question advocates will capture the questions and thoughts of the audience. The speakers will then riff off of what gets heard as the talks progress. The crowd’s voice comes alive in real time, real fast.

Ground breaking stuff, this crowd talk?

Will this event be ground breaking? Hard to tell until it happens. One thing is for sure: the challenge of maxing out the crowd’s voice is worth it, whatever crowd you are part of. That’s because of the power of the wisdom of the crowd. Awesome stuff.

So what now?

Stay tuned. As mentioned, the event is June 29, at the AT&T Executive Education Conference Center. Search for “ATC/RISE RAVE” on line or head to Facebook for more information:

Please know there is a call to action for this event;

The organizers need your participation now and at the event;

RSVP on the Facebook page and start talking! Thank you!

http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=108588169185734

I think I know what “in the zone” means, but what the heck is a “flow state?”

“In the zone” and “flow state” are different ways of saying the same thing. When athletes like Lebron James or artists like Meryl Streep are on top of their field, living in the moment, we know they are “in the zone.” Lebron’s three pointer moves effortlessly from his hands to the hoop… “Swish,” nothing but net. Same with Meryl, she offers the screen everything she’s got, and we, the audience, live with her in the moment she portrays. Powerful acting. When they live in the moment like this, we can say they are in a “flow state.”

How can I get “in the zone,” as you say in a “flow state,” at work?

The formula is pretty simple. To get in a flow state at work balance challenge with safety. To do that, consider the following things and make sure they are present:

The safe side:                                                                                       The challenge side:

Control                                                                                                   Feedback

Clear purpose                                                                                        Movement

Maintain safety                                                                                      Encourage challenge

When we balance safety with challenge at work we find ego fades as we get engrossed in the work. Time passes without notice and it can be hard to recall specifics of what we did. These are all signs we are in the flow state. Very exciting.

Can I help folks get in the flow state, in the zone, at work?

Of course you can! Here’s how:

1) State the purpose of the work you do together very clearly

2) Share mutual control about the expected outcome so you can work on it together

3) Make sure that what ever gets done, gets done fast and with no delays

4) Along the way to getting the work done provide constant feedback

5) Reduce the need to be “right,” or “judge,” or “resist”

6) Preserve a safe sense of things regardless of what else is happening

7) Push for challenge to make sure things are not too easy

This seven step process offers you a chance to get in the zone at work. Good luck!

Here is a question I ask in my communication skills classes:

Does anyone “make sense” like you do, just like you do, day in and day out?

The answer is almost always, “No, not even close!” Sometimes I get, “Yes, my spouse” (what a lucky couple); or, “My dad/mom/daughter/son” (understandable given how genes and environment are dominant reasons why we are who we are); or rarely, “People in my trusted circle kind of make sense like me” (trust forms more easily with people who share like-minds).

With so few folks who make sense just like us, why keep making sense our way?

There’s the $64,000 dollar question. Will it ever make sense to use the exact way we make sense to help us settle arguments, talk about plans, or discuss different people and new places? No wonder we hear this alot, “That makes no sense, why would you say that?”Argh!

We love to “make sense” and there are near seven billion ways to do it!

As many people as there are on the planet: that’s how many ways there are to make sense. So, making sense can get real confusing, real fast. Keep making sense and see how far you get with another person, who keeps making sense his or her way. Those two ways of making sense might never meet, and in the least, it could be a long talk before you get to mutual understanding and common sense.

So what can we do, make no sense!?

No, of course not. We like to make sense because it usually makes sense to do that over time. Here’s the point of this post: just don’t try to make sense right out of the gate. Chill out a bit instead. Realize you are talking with folks who do not share your own unique way of making sense.

What should we do?

Consider how other people you talk with take in things with their own senses. Explore their way to experience things. Find out how they make sense. Watch their non-verbal cues. Pay attention to how they learn and process stuff. Whatever you do, just remember to avoid making sense at first. It’s that simple. Remember, this works because if you make sense exactly your way from the get go, more likely than not no one else will even come close to understanding how you got there! And again, that’s because no one makes sense just like you. So, try not to make sense next time you talk, on the way to finding common sense. I reckon it will work great.

Seek sense first, that’s the answer!

So instead of making sense at first, seek it. Actively go out and question others about their sense making. Seek sense first. Actively investigate how others get to their senses. This will work wonders for your talks, I promise.

Let me know how it goes!

Why do we love stories so much?

Rich details, intriguing people and interesting outcomes, these are some of the reasons why we love stories. Plus, stories connect the new things we learn with the old things we already know. The next few headers cover the theory of story making and telling; if you want to run straight for the practical pointers, you will find story telling tips at the end of this post. And here’s the point of the post: stories help us relate much better to each other by connecting our experiences on the way to improving our understanding.

Stories meet the demands of our unique learning style

Stories help us process and learn things because they meet the demands of our unique learning styles: visual is most common; then auditory; and finally kinesthetic (or doing and feeling). Mostly we use all three to different degrees as we experience and learn things.

What makes stories help us learn so well?

Stories let us feel like we know what’s happening, why, and how it affects us directly even when we weren’t there when the events happened. When stories are told in present tense we can put ourselves in the story to see it, hear it, and feel it. That sense experience makes the things said in the story stick better for us. And a big part of learning is whether the stuff we hear sticks or not.

Are we hard-wired to tell stories?

You betcha. We are hard-wired story makers and tellers. In fact, our brains store information best as stories. We decide most of what we do based on stories. And another thing, we remember and call things up better when it’s in story form.

Do we tell ourselves stories?

Of course we do! We tell little stories to ourselves all day long. Will I get the sale? Is he ok with what I said? Will this plane get me home tonight? To answer these self-asked questions, we tell stories. As we do that, we connect stuff that we already know with stuff we make up. That’s right, there are always some gaps in what we know and to finish our stories, we fill those in by, well… making stuff up. We mup it, short for make stuff up.

Why do we tell ourselves stories?

We tell ourselves stories to make us feel better. Mostly. So the good news: the stories we tell ourselves usually help us feel ok about things because we are hard-wired to do just that! We naturally tell stories that tend to put us in the best light (researchers call this “memory bias,” which is a nice way of saying we consistently mup up things, it’s our way of filling in the gaps).

Are they always good stories, the ones we tell ourselves?

Of course not! Sometimes we tell ourselves not such good stories, about ourselves and our worlds. When you figure out you’re doing just that, stop it! Or at least, know you have found a great opportunity to change the story! After all, you are in charge of making up the stuff that fills in the gaps. Next time you catch yourself telling a not so good story, just give those “fill in the gap” facts a spin in your favor. Why not?

Do stories help us pass along things so they will stick with others?

You betcha. When we bundle important facts and information into a story it’s much easier for those listening to connect the new information we offer with the kind of things they already know. Story telling puts the information we want to share on the fast track to mutual understanding. Story telling is one of the best tools we have for sharing what we know in a way that compels the other person to pay attention, listen, and recall what we said.

What do stories do?

Stories let others feel out who we are and what goals we have in mind. They make things personal for us and for those with whom we share them. They also help folks remember things better because they frame the facts and events in a narrative structure. Story telling is our main way of sharing information. For example, gossip helps us build trust for others, or reevaluate it as needed. Stories are a critical decision making tool for us and we rely on them to help us decide things. And as mentioned, stories improve the listeners’ learning abilities because they experience the story in ways that help them learn, whether they prefer visual cues, auditory ones, or want to feel out things, as if they are directly participating in the story.

Any suggestions on best practices for making and telling stories?

Sure. To build your next story, consider the following steps: (1) identify all the key players; (2) list the critical facts; (3) clarify the conflict, climax, and desired resolution; (4) decide where the story begins and ends; (5) create the hook, headline and burning questions; (6) fill in details of the scene, mood, and plot; (7) and practice telling the story in present tense, scene by scene, so that as the action unfolds the listeners can understand the unfolding moral or point of the story.

To tell your story, use this tried and true formula: (1) set scene and time with mood and emotion; (2) introduce folks; (3) tell what happened as the story unfolds, with sense expressions in present tense scene by scene, and sprinkle in reflection that helps connect the action with the bigger point or moral of the story.

Do you have some tips on how to tell stories?

Sure. Here’s a list of tips to consider when next you tell a story:

Tip: set the scene, mood and feeling to form quick emotional connections

Tip: vary the tone, pitch and speed of your voice

Tip: stress the important words and downplay the stuff in between them

Tip: emphasize the first and last things, slow down when you share them

Tip: plan out the first and last things carefully because they are most important

Tip: break commonly perceived patterns to increase attention

Tip: use present tense to help the listener feel involved

Tip:  describe how the people in the story emotionally relate to the facts

Tip: offer the story in bits or chunks of digestible information

Tip: use lots of pauses

Tip: allow time to process what is being said

Tip: loop key points several times during the telling in slightly different ways

Tip: offer no more than three things at once if you can help it

Tip: if more than seven things are told at once all of them might get ignored

Tip: appeal to all learning styles with visual and verbal cues and action verbs

Tip: describe what someone in the story sees

Tip: explain what someone in the story hears

Tip: let the listener experience the touch, taste, and feel of what is happening

Tip: repeat key sentences verbatim

Tip: use rhetorical questions

Tip: ask a question and wait for the listener to offer his or her answer

Tip: plan out the plot, actors, scene and circumstances

Tip: offer things that are unusual, strange, or curious as hooks to get attention

Tip: use metaphors

Tip: use analogies

Tip: focus on people

Tip: use active verbs

Tip: use small words and simple, everyday language

Tip: use popular songs, poems, proverbs, and wise sayings

Tip: encourage emotion

Tip: foreshadow the moral of the story

Tip: ask questions during the story about how it’s unfolding and what comes next

Tip: use questions to build enthusiasm, mystery, and energy

Tip: let the listener figure things out, understand and learn on their schedule

Tip: use non-verbal cues to keep the listener engaged

Please comment back with any story telling tips of your own. Cheers!